Foto Dominikus Okbertus Srikujam.


Your Honour, first of all, I would like to say thank you for giving me an opportunity to read and submit my self-defense trial memorandum. Since I was arrested, I didn’t have the freedom to always stay beside my sick wife until she passed away. Whereas, all along, I was the only one who know and understand her feelings and condition. The arrest of me made me loose the opportunity to explain many things to her. I could only express my feeling by writing many notes on a book. I summarized these notes become a letter for my wife. Then, this letter becomes the most important part of my self-defense trial memorandum that I will read in this trial.

On February 19, 2017 morning, some BNNK Sanggau (National Narcotics Board of Sanggau Regency) officers visited our house. Then, they asked me to come with them to their office. Surprisingly, they arrested me there. At about 02.00 p.m., some officers of BNNK Sanggau, police, and a unit of ambulance brought me back home. Under the officers’ strict escort, I was taken back to my home. They wanted to evacuate my wife, Yeni Riawati. I went directly to our bedroom where my sick wife laid down on her bed.

I kissed her both cheeks and tidied her hair with my hands. She who had just woken up asked me, “Honey, why are you crying?” I tried to smile at her. I was trying to stop crying when I said to her, “My friends from BNNK Sanggau will take care of you, Darling. They will look for the medicines to heal your disease.” I wiped her tears to make her feel safe. I didn’t want to make her worry, but deep inside my heart, I felt my heart was so broken.

Your Honour, please let me read this letter as a part of my self-defense trial memorandum.

My dear Yeni, there were many things I wanted to tell you. But, I didn’t want to make you worry. You had to keep your spirit to heal the disease. I really know for the time being you had been tired and gave up because the disease couldn’t be healed, although you had visited so many hospitals, took so many kinds of medicines from the doctors, visited many alternative healing places, and drank many herbal medicines. But, none of them made you better. All of them just wasted all of our money that we had saved together hard. It made us cancel our plan to paint our house, whereas since the first time we had finished building our small house step by step, we had never painted it. Even, I wasn’t able to fix a big hole on its roof because we don’t have enough money to do it.
I didn’t want to make you sad. The most important thing is you have to be healed first. I am sure you still remember our prayers in the Rosary that we always prayed for together:
“Lord, we surrender everything to You. Please, show us the way step by step leading to Your kindness. We believe You will make everything beautiful at its right time.”

My dear Yeni, God shown His miracle to us. At the end of 2015, doctor could diagnose your disease. He said that you had syringomyelia. According to the doctor, it’s a rare disease. The only way to heal it is by a surgery. But, it was too risky for you because you were too weak for having it. The surgery could kill you. On the other hands, doctors’ tools and paramedics in the hospital weren’t enough for the surgery. The doctors’ team couldn’t do many things for you. I was very sad because of this.

Then, I tried to find as much information as I could about syringomyelia from many resources. It led me to a website named Worldwide Syringomyelia & Chiari Task Force. I contacted its owner and founder. Her name is Beth Nguyen. She lives in Northwest Georgia, United States. She explained everything about syringomyelia to me. She taught me how to take care someone with syringomyelia and how to know the progress of the patient in a simple way. She also gave me guidance about syringomyelia. Anyone who reads the guidance will be able to apply the procedures of treatment for the syringomyelia patient by himself at home. Actually, I wanted to introduce her to you, Honey. But, Beth said syringomyelia which had been found more than 200 years ago has no any medicines to heal it up to now. The surgery is done to drain the syrinx. It will just make the patient feel better for a moment. The syrinx will grow again and again and the shunt catheter must be replaced with the new one by another surgery. I didn’t want to make you desperate when you know that syringomyelia can’t be healed at all by a surgery. Then, I cancelled my plan to introduce Beth Nguyen to you.

Finally, the information from Beth Nguyen made me know how to take care of you at home. From her, I also know that you were getting worst. It was hard for you to swallow any kind of food, even I had smoothed them. Both of your legs became paralyzed. You couldn’t feel anything when I massaged or clean your legs. And, the next, your left hand was also bent and became paralyzed too. Your right body was always sweaty heavily. Your urine often brought many white clods which finally clogged the catheter. You had bowel movement rarely, even once every two weeks. It was very difficult for you to sleep. And, when finally you fell asleep, it was just for a very short time. You were shocked easily and it made you woke up time to time. You didn’t want to talk to me and always refused anytime I wanted to talk to you. All of these made me very sad. On the other hands, there were many wounds on your body. The wounds were getting more and more. All of them were getting bigger and deeper. Even, the nurse that I asked for help and visited you every day became confused why the wounds couldn’t be healed at all. Finally, she gave up for she didn’t have any other choices to heal the wounds.

In this confusion, I kept trying to find the way to heal you, Honey. Then, I found an article in a web written by a web blogger named Christina Evans. She is a mother of two children. She lives in Delta British Colombia, Canada. In 2013, she was diagnosed by her doctor that she has syringomyelia. For several years, she suffered because of it. Many doctors’ medicines in maximum dosages didn’t heal the disease. Then, she started to take cannabis oil. After taking cannabis oil, she can live normally. She can take care of her family again and even work in a yoga studio.

I didn’t believe it easily. How could marijuana which well-known as a destroyer for the time being be used as a medicine to heal syringomyelia? I tried to contact her via her facebook account named “Fighting Syringomyelia with Cannabis Oil.”. I found that she takes it based on her doctors’ recommendation. One of them is a doctor from Fraser Medical Clinic in Canada. The chemical substances of cannabis oil led me to many researchers who had conducted many researches about the benefits of medical marijuana. They were Dr. Raphael Mechoulam from Hebrew University of Jerusalem, Israel, Dr. Vincenzo Di Marzo from Endocannabinoid Research Group Italy, Dr. Christina Sanchez from Compultense University in Madrid, Spanyol, Dr. Kirsten Müller-Vahl, MD from Hannover Medical School (MHH), Germany, Dr. Donald P. Tashkin from University of California, United State, Dr Aymen I Idris, M.Sc, Ph.D from University of Edinburgh, United Kingdom, and many others. They had explained that marijuana is a potential herb to heal many diseases which are difficult to be healed or even can’t be healed by chemistry medicines, such as cancer, Alzheimer, epilepsy, diabetes, schizophrenia, Parkinson, arthritis, asthma, and even HIV/AIDS.

My dear Yeni, how could I explain all of this to you? When I tried to get the permit and the dispensation for using cannabis oil to heal your disease, nobody could show me how the way is. The very bad description of marijuana in our country is too strong although Indonesia has never conducted any research of marijuana, and even marijuana becomes the most prohibited plant in our country and its utilization is illegal.

My dear Yeni, the time went by and I saw that you couldn’t take a breath easily. Noticing that taking a breath was a difficult thing to do for you, I decided to heal you using cannabis oil. It’s because in this world cannabinoid can be found in marijuana plant only. Steep Hill Laboratory which one of its laboratory is located in Denver, Colorado, United State, explained to me that the same chemical substances of cannabinoid can be found in human body. They work as cannabinoid receptors. Jorge Cervantes who lives in Israel and Edward Rosenthal who lives in United State stated that the best cannabinoid for medical purposes is the one taken from a well-treated cannabis flowers. Both of them are horticulturists. Luckily, a couple of husband and wife, John and Amanda Seckar, who lives in Washington D.C, United States guided me how to plant marijuana organically. Emily Grand, a botanical steel form Canada, also helped me in choosing the lamps to maximize the ability of chlorophyll A and B.

I also got guidance from Rick Simpson. He taught me how to make cannabis oil from a very simple maceration process, how to do decarboxylation process to change tetrahydrocannabivarin into tetrahydrocannabinoid as psychoactive substances which can be worked as analgesic, antibacterial, anticancer, antispasmodic, appetite stimulant, bronchodilator, neuroprotective, and bone stimulant.
My dear Yeni, I still remember that early in January 2017, when I woke up among my books and my Lenovo tablet, I heard you singing a song titled “The Rainbow after The Rain”. I was so happy hearing your voice again. It happened after I mixed your drinks or food with cannabis oil, added some fresh marijuana leaves into your favourite omelets, and made milk avocado juice with fresh marijuana leaves and flowers. Dr. Rachna Patel, an expert in The Medical Marijuana Expert of San Francisco, California, said that milk is able to bind cannabinoid well and increase its absorption. That’s why our body almost impossible because the rest of cannabinoid will be kept in our lipid.

Since I gave cannabis oil to you intensively, you could speak clearly again. Then, we often spent our time together. You remained me all memories we had, how we met for the first time in Sanata Dharma University of Yogyakarta, how we organized our times for the classes, for going to the church on Sunday morning, and for going to Kanisius Centre to have many activities to deepen our faith, how sad we were because I didn’t have money to continue my study. The tuition fee in mechatronic department was too expensive for me and finally I decided to drop out from the college. Our live were continued. You remained me how sad you were because you had to leave me for continuing your study as an English teacher in Magelang.

After giving you cannabis oil, I didn’t need to buy SanoSkin Oxy to cure your big and deep wounds. Before, I had to buy it for about Rp320.000 for 3 – 4 day usage. You didn’t need to take alprazolam or zypas just to make you fell asleep. You didn’t need to take ulsafate sulcralfate in order to make you able to swallow your food and drinks and to avoid you from vomiting. You didn’t need Dulcolax or have injection on your anus just to make you having bowel movement regularly. In short, you didn’t need chemical medicines which were not able to heal you effectively. By giving you the cannabis oil, I could see your nice smile on your face again.

My dear Yeni, since you didn’t need the chemical medicines, I could save our money. Then, I could by a small bike for our three years old son, Samuel. You had never seen him riding his bike skillfully, hadn’t you? Actually, I took a video of it, but unfortunately, I didn’t have time to show the video to you. Although Samuel couldn’t have your breasts milk because of your disease, he grows well. At night, he always sleeps with a bottle of warm sweet tea and a black and white cow doll which its tail is getting old. Do you know that the doll was only a prize of a kids’ food product bought by his aunt? Samuel always sleeps well with his favourite doll.

My dear Yeni, Samuel is able to have his own meal now. He sits on the floor, holds his plate, and puts the meals into his mouth. You must be laugh when you see his dirty cheek because the rice sticks everywhere on his cheek.
On May 28, 2017, Samuel had his third birthday. I didn’t know with whom he celebrated it. I was still busy handling your medicines, meanwhile you couldn’t able to accompany him either.

His aunt told me that Samuel can sing a song now. He can sing this song:
Daddy Finger, Daddy Finger, where are you?
Here I am, here I am. How do you do?
Mommy Finger, Mommy Finger, where are you?
Here I am, here I am. How do you do?

My dear Yeni, there was something I wanted to tell you when they took you to the hospital. But, I was afraid if I told you the truth at that time, you would be shocked. Honestly, for several months before they took you to the hospital, I healed you using the cannabis oil. I made it by myself. I didn’t know how to get the permit and the dispensation for using it. At that time, actually they had arrested me and then they sent me to the jail. And after that, there was nothing I could do to help you. I tried to give the guidance from Beth Nguyen to the doctor, but he said they had their own Standard Operational Procedure in patients’ treatment. Actually, I hoped the guidance could be their additional reference in your treatment. I was surrender. I didn’t know who could take care of you, except Yuven, our first son. I couldn’t imagine how he could go to hospital and came back home once or twice a day, feeding you every day. Meanwhile, he had to face his national examination. When his friends studied well in their own houses, Yuven should take care of his sick mom and on the other hands, he had to prepare for the final examination. Studying with his both parents was just a big dream for him. Since the first time you had the disease on 2013, he had to learn how to live alone and do everything by himself because I often left him for weeks because taking you to one hospital to another hospital, from one town to another town. What could he do? He is just a fifteen years old boy. Both Yuven and Samuel are still kids. How are their hearts broken when they know that their mommy died and their daddy was sent to the jail?

My dear Yeni, I do believe that God’s love is amazing for us. God gives us two strong kids. They were so patient when they had to say good bye to you for the last time and when I had to deal with the law process. God sends the great persons from Ranik, Marcelina, and Friends Law Firm as my lawyers when I don’t have money anymore. They are never absent in the trials although they have to leave from Pontianak to Sanggau and come back home to Pontianak again in every trial. They often have to rent the rooms in hotels, but they don’t ask us to pay for them.

My dear Yeni, God always shows His miracle for us through social media and mass media. Many people pray for you and they hope I will be set free soon. These become one of some considerations for prosecutors in deciding their demand for me. I’m really grateful to God because the prosecutors were so wise and demanded me for five months imprisonment and fine Rp800.000.000 subsidiary one month imprisonment. It means I won’t be fired from my job as a civil servant. But, I’m still worry because if the panel of judges decides to sentence me guilty and then my status becomes a convict, of course this will disturb my career as a civil servant because in several activities conditions, a civil servant should never be sentenced guilty in a court and sent to the jail. What about our two children? They must be ashamed and will lose their self-confident because their daddy is a convict or an ex-convict when I’m set free one day.

My dear Yeni, please accept my sincere apologies for I couldn’t tell you the truth from the beginning and finally I just could tell you everything about these all through this letter only. Now, we can’t live side by side anymore. We can’t talk about our live or argue about our future plans. A moment before they closed your coffin, it was quite hard for me to strengthen myself since I will never hear your breath anymore. To me, our love and togetherness are my invaluable troves. Good bye, my dear Yeni. My love and prayers are always with you.

Your Honour, I’m sure and do believe in this trial Your Honour become the length of God’s hands in this world. I beg Your Honour please deliver this letter to my wife to let her know that I do love her, so that she will rest in peace forever. Your Honour, I also beg your pardon for all law breaking that I have done, so that I can keep continuing my live with my two children.

Your Honour, my self-defense trial memorandum and the defense trial memorandum which will be read by my lawyers are inseparable. I would like to say thank you for listening to this all. Finally, from the bottom of my heart, Your Honour, I do beg for the fairest possible verdict.

Sanggau, Juli 19, 2017
Your sincerely,

Fidelis Arie Sudewarto



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